so I do not share the view that we would that what our children and our education have made us, and I find it simplistic, crude and approximate this opinon. It makes me curse.
I say stuff like "pffff" or "rholala" or "...( sigh )...( grimace )..." when someone, even someone I like, is expanding into the psychology of a dilettante.
I disagree.
I wish above all to be much more. And it so happens that I have enough confidence in me to believe that if my body is made of 60% water, my soul is framed to 75% of what I put.
Many of its 75% are influenced obviously by my childhood, as we should say, and the many injuries that during recess or acne account, but later - and more time passes, these three quarter do not look like me finally to me. The rest, I'm with.
I can not only be the result of the coupling of two people, two genetic containers, which would have made me two tutors modeled as a paste what being modeled. Because then they would themselves, the two culprits, as the result of the other four, above, in the tree. And so on.
So we would never end and no one would ever know. Yet every day, just proves the contrary.
My childhood marked me on the forehead among others, a nice scar and everywhere else, but great memories of blackout too. Before my 7 years is as if I had not been there, there's nothing in my diary, neither I nor anyone else, dazzling white or torn pages, even; memory half-mast as the flag of a country bereaved or sex of a man who drank too much.
Okay, after replaying the famous madeleines Proust and all we saw hanging in the libraries of country houses sold since we did not play, there are sometimes blurred images that land and leave us a little dazed, in shock, still as hungry for brushing.
These brackets here does not define me. They are like breaths between breaths held, to subdue a hiccup, they do not draw my outlines, only after a mini mini mini core part of the mini me. And everyone knows that the pits, it serves no purpose except to be spat at for a place or person, we hope, for that matter, achieve. This sort of thing amuses ordinary mortals, if so, I swear.
I even set with, but also against all this, what was supposed to be me. There are a lot of things I did not want, sulking at the idea of integrating them into my identity card as having a sweet date. Besides, I never liked sweets. And it's no family, that. Include their cavities, you'll see.
I know exactly where I am coming from. Just as I do not know either so I come. And in the meantime, I walk.
One day I saw a shrink. I always loved it, the shrinks. There is something unusually foolish more crazy among them than among us is like reality shows, it reassures us. "Phew, I'm not there, there's worse, much worse , much worse me." And we blow, just relieved to be just a little lighter in the middle of most people badly attacked.
They work to heal the soul, as modern confessors, that's how they earn their living while they may themselves be in distress and no one will reach them, or just a glass. We share nothing with them, we unpacked, we run our stuff, it pours, it is, we are alone with them, but who cares, yet they are human, they live with their-lungs-their-hearts-their-anatomy-and-their-parts-genital and this is the whole point. Otherwise, keep all his money and talking to a wall.
Who does know when he leaves with his psychiatrist, if what he said did not upset.
thousand times I dreamed that my therapist decided to change his life after saying goodbye. By cutting the bridges and taking a ticket to the end of the world. In trying to find a knowledge of youth with whom he had never taken the first or any other not. By opening the gas. I dreamed a thousand times that. I was surprised many times to see them open up, an hour behind the door, while secretly hoping upheaval. Their deaths maybe, so what?
"Miss, Mr X is not of this world, the funeral will be held on such a day"
"Miss, Mr X has ended his career as a psychoanalyst to finally pursue his love of hard rock."
"Miss, Mr X was a bad pass, it had to be interned.
I think certainly that what I am saying is upsetting for m'atendre to what they are upset. Yes. Actually, yes.
And besides, if I do not regard as such, the stuff I tell this fool that is passed to side of his life, so I would not go see it.
One day I saw a shrink. As I skipped most classes, as my associates are
heading inevitably towards less frequent, as my transcript was exhausted, as the woman who had put the world had always been first in her class with 3 years in advance, he took her to worry for me and, in turn, relegates. It's like that, one day, teachers, guidance counselors and parents make their aprons. It's what they say, because the truth is they only lend the apron. At a very
autorisé.
En l'occurrence, mon premier psy. Il était donc dorénavant en charge d'un bout de tissu à rendre sans tâches de sauce ou d'éclaboussures de tomates. Il devait se douter de tout ça et avait accepté sa mission en connaissance de cause perdue.
C'est parce qu'il connaissait ma mère, et que sa fille était au lycée avec moi (et que, entre parenthèses, il lui aurait fallu beaucoup plus de psys que la terre ne peut supporter) qu'il s'est proposé de me recevoir.
Je me rappelle le premier rendez vous, je m'étais pomponnée. J'allais pas à la boulangerie quand même, faut pas déconner, j'allais raconter ma vie à un type qui avait studied to see if it was as it should, my life. So I put my hair in a bun very well bred and traded my shirt rock singer died of overdose or soon murdered by his wife against a white shirt that my father had forgotten.
With my sleeves too long and the hair finally rebels who struggled to get back on my forehead in honor of the icon t-shirt neglected above, I checked my hand on the floor written in ballpoint pen.
Good.
It has backfired.
Soon enough, he saw that I had a bunch of stuff to say, so soon enough he told my mother saw the packet of stuff I had to say, it would be better, much better and more professional than I look (yes he said "consulted" when I was 15, when I tell you they are absentmindedly) a colleague who would be paid. He had just one to advise me.
My mother made dumbstruck. I put the words in the plural because I want to emphasize that his astonishment was enormous. But I also note in passing that no one has seen a fried whiting is the eyes.
She even said
-Someone who would be paid ... you mean ... (she blushed, I was not there but I put my hand fire even if you've never seen either a person who was wrongly put, for real, his hand in the fire) you mean ... better than you?
-... Better than me? Ie?
-Well, better, finally, that 150 + FF the session? (it was clear I was young, let alone my wrinkles ).
-150 francs But what are you talking about?
-Hmmmm, well those that each of your meeting is worth. (she said "is" instead of "costs" because she is a diplomat and in addition she studied sociology, pharmacy and law and with 3 years in advance , Like I said earlier ).
Manon-free finally comes! 150 francs of which you speak?
Here, oddly, my mother realized soon enough.
And pretty soon, too, she recorded the number of times I went to see "free" this gentleman and asked her, "handsomely," enough to pay the thing.
Hmmmm, 150 francs multiplied by 8, it hurts the pocket money of a liar who bought through him, cigarettes and cigarettes but also worse. I had to repay. So, I resold the worst cigarettes to all those who do not yet know precisely the price.
But all this has meant that there Upstairs in the family tree, there has been a nonchalant and contemporary "Why not make him see a psychiatrist" to the anguished "You're not a shrink? a super shrink? a shrink really kind uh .. . my daughter's going away, I found a good psychiatrist really super. "
So we found a good psy-super-real. The parents of directories that are full of such contacts.
My mother told me he wanted to scam, and he, he was keen not to hear too much from her mouth to her. He said "You want to be seen in the week? Perhaps I can find you one hour on Wednesday, between 15h and 16h" and my mother, through its studies, three years ahead and the fact that she is the person most incredible land, said "Thanks, no."
In this sense, not the other.
One day I saw the psychiatrist, but I was a little anxious. It was a Thursday. It annoyed me because Thursday was a day that I liked. It revolved around breaks, hours of holes, as implacably say hypocritically, and during which I had long ago decided not to go. By late afternoon, I had to go organic dried coffee to focus on my next appointment. Bio. No but honestly. A course on the anatomy of frogs or reproduction Humans do not really would have helped, let's be honest.
I liked also on Friday, I was more dunce but then at the forefront. We ended the week and we started later by the French courses, conducted by hand mapitre my adoptive mother. Follow the English course. Follow the course of physical expression. I started all this by a "worst cigarette", and at 17h, when the bell saying "it's good, go home strip idlers" I, for once, I could give a tour with pleasure.
I knew if it was an appointment or a score. Was it necessary that I show that I was "good" or that I let the evil villain speak on the couch.
Well, I rang, and then it opened. Until then, I was pretty disappointed, I thought it was very normal stuff. Even the stairs to reach the 3rd floor, were a terrifying normality. And then he opened.
Good.
I produced so much stuff in my head about her thoughts and sentences overlapped up there. And, in fact, it was stuff / thoughts not great.
Bulk:
it's ugly, dowdy, it would be incredibly old bonus? type 35, what is it that this table and this framework outrageously golden?, I do not like me as he shakes hands, like no one shook my hand anyway, but it could not not put the waiting room farthest from the entrance while he is there, like this nice thing is that men in the remote room atttention, why there 's an unlikely assemble magazines such as Gala and Psychologies, nothing has meaning, it's already my turn?, yes, but not I want to go heavy now that I launched in things Zarb, which is pretty trucmasculin want, I want to see my mother, I change this table and this framework, not a little boy.
Mademoiselle, you prefer I call you by your first name or I call you Miss Troppo, I vous you or I tu?
-Ok, uh, I thought it was me who asked the questions really.
-What questions?
-Bah I dunno, it's your job. Stuff like "how you feel is what you are still in love with your father / your childhood memories they occupy much space in your day," What all this all this.
-Your childhood memories they occupy much space in your day?
"You made me upside down there, right?
"I do not know how you feel?
One day I went to a psychiatrist and another day I read a book. Was incredibly strong and extremely lifelike. In the similarities and sensations so.
I wish I had read this book before seeing the psychiatrist.
Why is what I would do it in reverse?
-No but I lists what you might say and you take one of my sentences ... pfouh, forget it.
-Okay, you want to sit on this chair Manon?
"I prefer you call me by my name.
-Okay you want ...
-Not very comfortable this chair. In the movies it looks cool.
"It is always cool in movies.
"You have not seen Deliverance.
-Indeed, no.
And you claim you shrink? You have not seen Deliverance and pretend you shrink?
"I will look.
-No no no, hey ho. We will not leave the patient who advises his shrink films, please.
-As you wish.
-Brief.
Its chair, true, was not so bad. A club, brown, who had lived and whose arms were beginning to Peloche, as I say Lepied not know why I wanted to criticize when I criticized the first thing that came to hand. Not that I sit on my hand, but you see. Anyway, the French expressions are tall. (He who has already slept standing up his left hand in the fire because he had his tongue when the cat is away the mice will play and file teeth under the pillow on which you sleep, of course, our two ears but then with a lot of flexibility).
-In truth, I told you that your chair was not comfortable but there's worse.
-You feel so good?
"Well, uh. I'll go that far.
-You would go up where?
I make a weird grimace there, and I answer in my head anyway "to the end".
Wait, you will not give me the shot bounce off each of my sentences, though? No because I expect a little more from you. You expect
-.... ...
-AND DO NOT ASK ME WHAT I EXPECT FROM YOU.
Why not?
-Because then it is I who am doing all the work. And in this case is that you pay me to finish. He made a grimace
weird there. He must also think about things.
"Listen, I'm here, I am not even sure why. Because my mother is concerned I enjoy + + we can talk for hours. But if I go in saying you're a big whack + I am not amused = you never see me again.
-That is what you want from me?
-...
-If indeed you were expecting something from me ...
Yes exactly ... bah
Exactly?
"I'd like, as I told you, you do not have your reply as my sentences, it depresses me when you do that.
"I do not do it again.
I know if I believe he has not even promised on his mother's head. He tinkered with stuff. I hate when people with whom we live, the air of nothing, some complicity tripatouilllent stuff you can not see.
"I would also like that you do not mess with stuff that I can not see in your drawers.
-Pardon but I'm in my office and I ... "Tinkering" as you say, what I want, Mademoiselle.
-Ok. That's true. You score one point. At the same time, I stopped counting so you're grounded.
-Oh because it's a match? Ah
because you believe that it is not life a game?
And how much would it then?
"I had not called back to start my sentences on your tip for supposedly define me. But since you ask me: it is 1 / 12.
-Ca does not exist.
-Finally you take a stand!
-What do you fear?
-Ouhla!, You take too position.
- You do not want to tell me or you do not know?
-... You know, whatever things I fear, including the ones I do not know, there is one that frightens me over-all. And you'll ask me why.
-If you want to give me, yes.
"Assign" is a word that sounds nice and then I decided since my biology classes to start with that, so yes, I trust.
"I do not really know if what we're doing has meaning, and wait, I see you react, do not interrupt me, I do not care if it is meaningful or not, but I wonder if this a result. And if it has a result, I know that I do not want.
-...
"I do not want is to say: I refuse to know me completely. You never know, as I see you, you not pay mine, but you may be a magician, so I do not want to trick out one day and by knowing exactly why I like being alone when I am expected and why the sound of a scooter the streets at night plobe me more than you can imagine, I do not know if I did not like how they changed my diapers and why the little ugly in the corner of the court made me want to move mountains in the idea of protecting the wicked rascals. I already know why global warming is the greatest sadness that I have never worn and I do not want to hear one of your adjectives on this feeling, I know I can do better, give me the opportunity and forget what is sad and disgusting but I begin to understand why I'm never going in that direction, too ... also, it is not you going to do any of that a patient record. And I'm counting on you, I ask you not to make me a drawing with lines connected across this because explaining it.
-...
"I am finished.
-I.
"You are caught off guard there? A little-
yes.
-Tell me why, soon.
I want him to remain in his emotion, it goes faster in these people.
-Usually, people come because they want something they do not. But you just say anything you would not.
-...
-So, okay. I take note. And now I know what you want.
-We'll have to reconsider.
-Ca is not yet 45 minutes.
-I prefer to see the time remaining until the next time. It takes time every two to digest it all.
--laughs-I do not like your laugh of contempt, am I right?
You are right. See you next Thursday at the same time. And longer.
East would it be possible to see on Friday instead?
He said yes. The great people always say "yes" when they know the impact that could have their "no". The great people always say yes, in general, not because a share has always an impact.
-maispastrop-
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